Where is God when it hurts? I got this line from Philip Yancey’s book which is mostly used by many of us. I also asked quite the same question after I see myself confused, disturbed and hopeless. God woke me up when a sister told me that it’s not God who is drifting away but me. I have been inactive in the church for two months and I got all the stupid reasons to say “No” and busy to fit my schedule for any church commitments. As If I’m really busy at all. Shame on me to do that to the author of my life.
Sometimes, I still ask the Lord where He is when I am in pain, bitter and hurt. But it’s different now, cause I know, God is so near to me, that He is just there so near hugging me. Actually, it is really disgraceful to ask God where He is when all along, He is with us, either we are in pain or not.
Just last month, I received a very undeserving word I never dreamt someone will say to me. It was my first time. God knows that I am deeply hurt and I nearly cry to the front of the person who threw harsh words and intimidated me on the front of many people. I wanted to fight back, depend myself but I declined.
I know I am not the only one who experienced that same scenario. Others might be worst.
According to Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
From the above, I have difficultly to deal the most with is the self-control. It’s really difficult to fight with yourself. It’s hard to be calm when you know that all the things around you are so persistent to break your piece. We cannot control situations, people around us, what will they say and what will they do. We also end up one of them, angry, irate and loser.
Given the privilege as children of God, being tempted does not mean we are sure that we can strongly and triumphantly win it. First, because, if we really do it by ourselves, we never really win. Apart from the Lord, we are nothing. I remember the story of Joseph, the dreamer. He was tempted too. But what so amazing with this brother is how he faced it. He run --- he did not run near to it, he run away. Some of us, me also included when in the midst of temptation, we run near to the temptation itself, not running away. Back in college, even I am not really actively joining any activist organization, it’s really on my nature to be a radical, in two forms. We got this motto with my berks, “Kapag may lamat na ang baso, palitan ng bago”. Simple may it seems, but it has lots of meaning.
Back to the intimidation I received, not fighting back did not make me loser. Actually, I saw how God moves. After awhile, the person who did that to me, humbly went back and change his mood in a very low profile, in just 15 minutes! Though he did not say sorry, action speaks louder than voice, he regretted what he just has done.
I said to myself that I don’t deserve it. But my perspective was changed. Do I really deserve anything better? Originally, we don’t deserve anything better… Only death and hell. But with God’s grace and love, everything changed. We have nothing to be proud about ourselves. But we should be proud how wonderful and merciful our Lord is!